Episode 4: Parenting FAQ

Considerations for the Parenting Episodes

1. The conversations in this DVD focus primarily on the “big picture.”You may find it helpful to keep referring people back to the Paul Stevens quote in the first episode of the discussion guide, emphasizing that parenting is a process that involves parents and children, both of which are growing and changing in the process.Try to avoid an overemphasis on techniques that various members have found helpful, though some of that can be good.

2. As Paul also mentions, parenting is a path to God. Be sure and bring the group back to this from time to time, asking them what God has been teaching them about Himself through the process of parenting.

3. Parenting is experimental; that is, it is only learned through experience, learned through the process. It is also individual. Each parent and child is unique; thus the interactive process between them is also unique.

4. Parenting issues can ignite people’s passions in deep ways. Steer the group clear of issues and decisions that are in the context of a family’s personality, geography, and values, such as schooling options (i.e., home school vs. public school vs. private/Christian school).

Join the Conversation:

Record thoughts and questions here that come up as you watch the episode.  Explore them later with the group.

Discuss the Episode

1. Don mentions the struggle to see God in the everyday realities of parenting, and John responds with the need for us to see that God is involved in all of life. How well is your life “integrated,”
how well do you see that your life of work, home and family matters as much to God as your church activities?

2. John defines character as “the set of abilities you need to meet the demands of real life.” Have you ever thought of character that way? Does that help clarify your job as a parent?

3. John defined six areas of character that we need to pass on to our kids:

Relationship—relationship is the best place to go when we are in need

Responsibility—at age appropriate time, kids learn “my life is my problem.”

Reality—dealing in healthy ways with mistakes, failure, and sin.

Competence—learning what passion and skill they have to contribute.

Morality—learning to make wise and ethical choices.

Worship—teaching and modeling dependence on God.

Which of these do you struggle with most? Discuss these six areas as a group.How did you learn or not learn them from your parents? How can you pass them on to your kids?

Reflect on What Others Have to Say

Underline and mark ideas you would like to discuss.

if parents, pastors and others who have responsibilities with young people join in sharing their troubles and insights, their concerns and strengths, they can become a community… When parents are in community with others who share similar responsibilities and who believe in a similar grace, there is growth.  They discover that they are not the first or the only ones who are doing a less-than-perfect job dealing with the adolescent in their home… When they share needs and strengths, they form a coalition that makes for a stronger ministry than if any tried to go it alone… a ministry that is able to nurture the new life that is forming in the adolescent personality and, at the same time, the new life burgeoning in the parent. Eugene Peterson, Like Dew Your Youth: Growing Up With Your Teenager

Resources for Further Growth

“Parenting,” The Complete Book of Everyday Christianity, by R. Paul Stevens.

“Raising Great Kids”, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

“How People Grow”, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

“Boundaries With Kids” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

“Like Dew Your Youth: Growing Up With Your Teenager” by Eugene Peterson.